A brief Account of the Author’s Call to the Work of the Ministry (3)

309.  But that which was reported with the boldest confidence, was, that I had my misses, my whores, my bastards; yea, two wives at once, and the like.   Now these slanders (with the others) I glory in, because but slanders, foolish or knavish lies, and falsehoods cast upon me by the devil and his seed; and, should I not be dealt with thus wickedly by the world, I should want one sign of a saint, and a child of God.  Blessed are ye (said the Lord Jesus) when men shall revile you and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely for My sake; rejoice and be exceeding glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.  Matt. iv. 11.

310.  These things therefore, upon mine own account, trouble me not; no, though they were twenty times more than they are.  I have a good conscience, and whereas they speak evil of me, as an evil-doer, they shall be ashamed that falsely accuse my good conversation in Christ.

311.  So then, what shall I say to those who have thus bespattered me?  Shall I threaten them?  Shall I chide them?  Shall I flatter them?  Shall I entreat them to hold their tongues?  No, not I.  Were it not for that these things make them ripe for damnation, that are the authors and abettors, I would say unto them, Report it, because ’twill increase my glory.

312.  Therefore I bind these lies and slanders to me as an ornament; it belongs to my Christian profession to be vilified, slandered, reproached and reviled; and since all this is nothing else, as my God and my conscience do bear me witness, I rejoice in reproaches for Christ’s sake.

313.  I also call all these fools or knaves, that have thus made it any thing of their business to affirm any of the things afore-named of me; namely, That I have been naught with other women, or the like.  When they have used the utmost of their endeavours, and made the fullest inquiry that they can, to prove against me truly, that there is any woman in heaven, or earth, or hell, that can say, I have at any time, in any place, by day or night, so much as attempted to be naught with them; and speak I thus to beg my enemies into a good esteem of me?  No, not I: I will in this beg belief of no man: believe or disbelieve me in this, all is a-case to me.

314.  My foes have missed their mark in this shooting at me: I am not the man: I wish that they themselves be guiltless.  If all the fornicators and adulterers in England were hanged up by the neck till they be dead, John Bunyan, the object of their envy, would be still alive and well.  I know not whether there be such a thing as a woman breathing under the copes of the whole heaven, but by their apparel, their children, or by common fame, except my wife.

315.  And in this I admire the wisdom of God, that He made me shy of women from my first conversion until now.  Those shy of women know, and can also bear me witness, with whom I have been most intimately concerned, that it is a rare thing to see me carry it pleasant towards a woman: the common salutation of women I abhor; ’tis odious to me in whomsoever I see it.  Their company alone, I cannot away with; I seldom so much as touch a woman’s hand; for I think these things are not so becoming me.  When I have seen good men salute those women that they have visited, or that have visited them, I have at times made my objection against it; and when they have answered, that it was but a piece of civility, I have told them, it is not a comely sight.  Some indeed have urged the holy kiss; but then I have asked why they made baulks? why they did salute the most handsome, and let the ill-favoured go?  Thus, how laudable soever such things have been in the eyes of others, they have been unseemly in my sight.

316.  And now for a wind-up in this matter, I calling not only men, but angels, to prove me guilty of having carnally to do with any woman save my wife: nor am I afraid to do it a second time; knowing that it cannot offend the Lord in such a case, to call God for a record upon my soul, that in these things I am innocent.  Not that I have been thus kept, because of any goodness in me, more than any other; but God has been merciful to me, and has kept me; to whom I pray that He will keep me still, not only from this, but every evil way and work, and preserve me to His heavenly kingdom.  Amen.

317.  Now as Satan laboured by reproaches and slanders, to make me vile among my countrymen; that, if possible, my preaching might be made of none effect; so there was added hereto, a long and tedious imprisonment, that thereby I might be frightened from my service for Christ, and the world terrified, and made afraid to hear me preach; of which I shall in the next place give you a brief account.