CHAPTER VIII (5)

“Some, who I have good reason to think are Christians indeed, were melted with a sense of divine goodness and their own barrenness and ingratitude, and seemed to hate themselves, as one of them afterward expressed it. Convictions also appeared to be revived in several instances; and divine truth was attended with such influence upon the assembly in general, that it might justly be called an evening of divine power.

Lords’ day, March 9.—“Preached from Luke, 10:38-42. The word of God was attended with power and energy upon the audience. Numbers were affected, and concerned to obtain the one thing needful. Several, who have given good evidence of being truly gracious, were much affected with a sense of their want of spirituality, and saw the need they stood in of growing in grace. The greater part of those who had been under any impressions of divine things in times past, seemed now to have those impressions revived.

“In the afternoon proposed to have catechised in my usual method: but, while we were engaged in the first prayer in the Indian language, as usual, a great part of the assembly was so much moved and affected with divine things that I thought it seasonable and proper to omit the proposing of questions for that time, and to insist upon the most practical truths. I accordingly did so; making a further improvement of the passage of Scripture on which I had discoursed in the former part of the day. There appeared to be a powerful divine influence in the congregation. Several who, as I have reason to think, are truly pious, were so deeply affected with a sense of their own barrenness, and their unworthy treatment of the blessed Redeemer, that they looked on him as pierced by themselves, and mourned, yea, some of them were in bitterness, as for a first-born.

“Some poor awakened sinners, also, appeared to be in anguish of soul to obtain an interest in Christ; so that there was a great mourning in the assembly: many heavy groans, sobs, and tears! and one or two, newly come among us, were considerably awakened.

“Methinks it would have refreshed the heart of any, who truly love Zion’s interests, to have been in the midst of this divine influence, and seen the effects of it upon saints and sinners. The place of divine worship appeared both solemn and sweet; and was so endeared by a display of the divine presence and grace that those who had any relish for divine things could not but cry, ‘How amiable are thy tabernacles, O Lord of Hosts!’ After public worship was over, numbers came to my house, where we sang and discoursed of divine things; and the presence of God seemed here also to be in the midst of us.

“While we were singing there was one individual, the woman mentioned in my journal of February 9 who, I may venture to say, if I may be allowed to say so much of any person I ever saw, was ‘filled with joy unspeakable and full of glory;’ and could not but burst forth in prayer and praises to God before us all, with many tears; crying, sometimes in English and sometimes in Indian, ‘O blessed Lord! do come, do come! O do take me away; do let me die, and go to Jesus Christ! I am afraid if I live I shall sin again. O do let me die now! O dear Jesus, do come! I cannot stay, I cannot stay! O how can I live in this world; do take my soul away from this sinful place! O let me never sin any more! O what shall I do, what shall I do, dear Jesus. O dear Jesus!’ In this ecstacy she continued some time, uttering these and similar expressions incessantly. The grand argument she used with God to take her away immediately was, that ‘if she lived, she should sin against him.’ When she had a little recovered herself, I asked her if Christ was now sweet to her soul? Whereupon, turning to me with tears in her eyes, and with all the tokens of deep humility I ever saw in any person, she said, ‘I have many times heard you speak of the goodness and the sweetness of Christ, that he was better than all the world. But O I knew nothing what you meant. I never believed you, I never believed you! But now I know it is true;’ or words to that effect. I answered, ‘And do you see enough in Christ for the greatest of sinners?’ She replied, ‘O enough, enough for all the sinners in the world, if they would but come.’ When I asked her, ‘If she could not tell them of the goodness of Christ.’ Turning herself about to some Christless souls, who stood by, and were much affected, she said, ‘O there is enough in Christ for you if you would but come. O strive,O strive, strive to give up your hearts to him,’ &c. On hearing something of the glory of heaven mentioned, that there was no sin in that world; she again fell into the same ecstacy of joy and desire of Christ’s coming; repeating her former expressions, ‘O dear Lord, do let me go! O what shall I do; what shall I do. I want to go to Christ. I cannot live. O do let me die,’die,’ &c.

“She continued in this sweet frame for more than two hours before she was able to get home. I am very sensible that there may be great joys, arising even to an ecstasy, where there is still no substantial evidence of their being well grounded. But in the present case there seemed to be no evidence wanting in order to prove this joy to be divine; either in regard to its preparatives, attendants, or consequents.

“Of all the persons whom I have seen under spiritual exercise I scarcely ever saw one appear more bowed and broken under convictions of sin and misery, or what is usually called a preparatory work, than this woman; nor scarcely any who seemed to have a greater acquaintance with their own heart than she had. She would frequently complain to me of the hardness and rebellion of her heart. Would tell me that her heart rose and quarrelled with God, when she thought he would do with her as he pleased, and send her to hell, notwithstanding her prayers, good frames, &c., and that her heart was not willing to come to Christ for Salvation, but tried every where else for help. As she seemed to be remarkably sensible of her stubbornness and contrariety to God, under conviction, so she appeared to be no less remarkably bowed and reconciled to his sovereignty, before she obtained any relief or comfort; something of which I have noticed in my journal of Feb. 9. Since that time she has seemed constantly to breathe the temper and spirit of the new creature; crying after Christ, not through fear of hell as before, but with strong desires after him as her only satisfying portion; and has many times wept and sobbed bitterly because, as she apprehended, she did not and could not love him. When I have sometimes asked her why she appeared so sorrowful, and whether it was because she was afraid of hell; she would answer ‘No, I be not distressed about that; but my heart is so wicked I cannot love Christ;’ and thereupon burst into tears. But although this has been the habitual frame of her mind for several weeks together, so that the exercise of grace appeared evident to others; yet she seemed wholly insensible to it herself, and never had any remarkable comfort and sensible satisfaction until this evening.

“This sweet and surprising ecstasy appeared to spring from a true spiritual discovery of the glory, ravishing beauty, and excellency of Christ; and not from any gross imaginary notions of his human nature, such as that of seeing him in such a place, or posture, as hanging on the cross, as bleeding and dying, as gently smiling, and the like; which delusions some have been carried away with. Nor did it rise from sordid selfish apprehensions of her having any benefit whatsoever conferred on her; but from a view of his personal excellency and transcendant loveliness; which drew forth those vehement desires of enjoying him which she now manifested, and made her long ‘to be absent from the body, that she might be present with the Lord.’

“The attendants of this ravishing comfort were such as abundantly discovered its spring to be divine; and that it was truly ‘a joy in the Holy Ghost.’ Now she viewed divine truths as living realities, and could say, ‘I know these things are so; I feel that they are true!’ Now her soul was resigned to the divine will in the most tender point; so that when I said to her, ‘What if God should take away your husband from you, who was then very sick, how do you think you could bear that?’ She replied, ‘He belongs to God, and not to me; he may do with him just as he pleases.’ Now she had the most tender sense of the evil of sin, and discovered the utmost aversion to it, longing to die, that she might be delivered from it. Now she could freely trust her all with God for time and eternity. When I questioned her, ‘How she would be willing to die and leave her little infant; and what she thought would become of it in that case?’ she answered, ‘God will take care of it. It belongs to him. He will take care of it.’ Now she appeared to have the most humbling sense of her own meanness and unworthiness, her weakness and inability to preserve herself from sin, and to persevere in the way of holiness, crying, ‘If I live I shall sin.’ I then thought that I had never seen such an appearance of ecstacy and humility meeting in any one person in all my life before.

“The consequents of this joy are no less desirable and satisfactory than its attendants. She since appears to be a most tender, broken-hearted, affectionate, devout, and humble Christian; as exemplary in life and conversation as any person in my congregation. May she still ‘grow in grace and in the knowledge of Christ.’

March 10. “Toward night the Indians met together, of their own accord, and sang, prayed, and discoursed of divine things among themselves; at which time there was much affection among them. Some, who are hopefully pious, appeared to be melted with divine things; and some others seemed much concerned for their souls. Perceiving their engagement and affection in religious exercises, I went among them, and prayed, and gave a word of exhortation; and observed two or three somewhat affected and concerned, who scarce ever appeared to be under any religious impressions before. It seemed to be a day and evening of divine power. Numbers retained the warm impressions of divine things which had been made upon their minds the day before.

March 14.—“Was visited by a considerable number of my people, and spent some time in religious exercises with them.

March 15. “In the evening catechised. My people answered the questions put to them with surprising readiness and judgment. There appeared some warmth, and a feeling sense of divine things among those who I have reason to hope are real Christians, while I was discoursing upon peace of conscience and joy in the Holy Ghost. These seemed quickened and enlivened in divine service, though there was not so much appearance of concern among those whom I have reason to think in a Christless state.

Lord’s day, March 16.—“Preached to my congregation from Hebrews, 2:1-3. Divine truth seemed to have some considerable influence upon some of the hearers, and produced many tears, as well as heavy sighs and sobs, among those who have given evidence of being real Christians, and others also. The impressions made upon the audience appeared in general deep and heart-affecting; not superficial, noisy and affected.

“Toward night discoursed again on the Great Salvation. The word was again attended with some power upon the audience. Numbers wept affectionately, and to appearance unfeignedly; so that the Spirit of God seemed to be moving upon the face of the assembly. The woman mentioned in my journal of last Lord’s day made a profession of her faith, and appeared to be in a devout, humble, and excellent frame of mind.

“My house being thronged with my people in the evening; I spent the time in religious exercises with them until my nature was almost spent. They are so unwearied in religious exercises, and insatiable in their thirsting after Christian knowledge, that I can sometimes scarcely avoid laboring so as greatly to exhaust my strength and spirits.

March 19.—“Several of the persons who went with me to the Forks of Delaware in February last, having been detained there by the dangerous illness of one of their company, returned home but this day. Whereupon my people generally met together of their own accord, in order to spend some time in religious exercises; and especially to give thanks to God for his preserving goodness to those who had been absent from them for several weeks, and recovering mercy to him who had been sick; and that he had now returned them all in safety. As I was then absent; they desired my school-master to assist them in carrying on their religious solemnity; who tells me that they appeared engaged and affectionate in repeated prayer, singing, &c.