A RELATION OF THE HOLY WAR (29)

This project was no sooner propounded, but was as highly accepted, and forward were all Diabolonians now to engage in so delicate an enterprise: but it was not thought fit that all should do thus; wherefore they pitched upon two or three, namely, the Lord Covetousness, the Lord Lasciviousness, and the Lord Anger.  The Lord Covetousness called himself by the name of Prudent-Thrifty; the Lord Lasciviousness called himself by the name of Harmless-Mirth; and the Lord Anger called himself by the name of Good-Zeal.

So upon a market-day they came into the market-place, three lusty fellows they were to look on, and they were clothed in sheep’s russet, which was also now in a manner as white as were the white robes of the men of Mansoul.  Now the men could speak the language of Mansoul well.  So when they were come into the market-place, and had offered to let themselves to the townsmen, they were presently taken up; for they asked but little wages, and promised to do their masters great service.

Mr. Mind hired Prudent-Thrifty, and Mr. Godly-Fear hired Good-Zeal.  True, this fellow Harmless-Mirth did hang a little in hand, and could not so soon get him a master as the others did, because the town of Mansoul was now in Lent, but after a while, because Lent was almost out, the Lord Willbewill hired Harmless-Mirth to be both his waiting man and his lackey: and thus they got them masters.

These villains now being got thus far into the houses of the men of Mansoul, quickly began to do great mischief therein; for, being filthy, arch, and sly, they quickly corrupted the families where they were; yea, they tainted their masters much, especially this Prudent-Thrifty, and him they call Harmless-Mirth.  True, he that went under the visor of Good-Zeal, was not so well liked of his master; for he quickly found that he was but a counterfeit rascal; the which when the fellow perceived, with speed he made his escape from the house, or I doubt not but his master had hanged him.

Well, when these vagabonds had thus far carried on their design, and had corrupted the town as much as they could, in the next place they considered with themselves at what time their prince Diabolus without, and themselves within the town, should make an attempt to seize upon Mansoul; and they all agreed upon this, that a market-day would be best for that work; for why?  Then will the townsfolk be busy in their ways: and always take this for a rule, when people are most busy in the world, they least fear a surprise.  ‘We also then,’ said they, ‘shall be able with less suspicion to gather ourselves together for the work of our friends and lords; yea, and in such a day, if we shall attempt our work, and miss it, we may, when they shall give us the rout, the better hide ourselves in the crowd, and escape.’

These things being thus far agreed upon by them, they wrote another letter to Diabolus, and sent it by the hand to Mr. Profane, the contents of which were these:—

‘The lords of Looseness send to the great and high Diabolus from our dens, caves, holes, and strongholds, in and about the wall of the town of Mansoul, greeting:

‘Our great lord, and the nourisher of our lives, Diabolus—how glad we were when we heard of your fatherhood’s readiness to comply with us, and help forward our design in our attempts to ruin Mansoul, none can tell but those who, as we do, set themselves against all appearance of good, when and wheresoever we find it.

‘Touching the encouragement that your greatness is pleased to give us to continue to devise, contrive, and study the utter desolation of Mansoul, that we are not solicitous about: for we know right well that it cannot but be pleasing and profitable to us to see our enemies, and them that seek our lives, die at our feet, or fly before us.  We therefore are still contriving, and that to the best of our cunning, to make this work most facile and easy to your lordships, and to us.

‘First, we considered of that most hellishly cunning, compacted, threefold project, that by you was propounded to us in your last; and have concluded, that though to blow them up with the gunpowder of pride would do well, and to do it by tempting them to be loose and vain will help on, yet to contrive to bring them into the gulf of desperation, we think will do best of all.  Now we, who are at your beck, have thought or two ways to do this: first we, for our parts, will make them as vile as we can, and then you with us, at a time appointed, shall be ready to fall upon them with the utmost force.  And of all the nations that are at your whistle, we think that an army of doubters may be the most likely to attack and overcome the town of Mansoul.  Thus shall we overcome these enemies, else the pit shall open her mouth upon them, and desperation shall thrust them down into it.  We have also, to effect this so much by us desired design, sent already three of our trusty Diabolonians among them; they are disguised in garb, they have changed their names, and are now accepted of them; namely, Covetousness, Lasciviousness, and Anger.  The name of Covetousness is changed to Prudent-Thrifty, and him Mr. Mind has hired, and is almost become as bad as our friend.  Lasciviousness has changed his name to Harmless-Mirth, and he is got to be the Lord Willbewill’s lackey; but he has made his master very wanton.  Anger changed his name into Good-Zeal, and was entertained by Mr. Godly-Fear; but the peevish old gentleman took pepper in the nose, and turned our companion out of his house.  Nay, he has informed us since that he ran away from him, or else his old master had hanged him up for his labour.

‘Now these have much helped forward our work and design upon Mansoul; for notwithstanding the spite and quarrelsome temper of the old gentleman last mentioned, the other two ply their business well, and are likely to ripen the work apace.

‘Our next project is, that it be concluded that you come upon the town upon a market-day, and that when they are upon the heat of their business; for then, to be sure, they will be most secure, and least think that an assault will be made upon them.  They will also at such a time be less able to defend themselves, and to offend you in the prosecution of our design.  And we your trusty (and we are sure your beloved) ones shall, when you shall make your furious assault without, be ready to second the business within.  So shall we, in all likelihood, be able to put Mansoul to utter confusion, and to swallow them up before they can come to themselves.  If your serpentine heads, most subtile dragons, and our highly esteemed lords can find out a better way than this, let us quickly know your minds.

‘To the monsters of the infernal cave, from the house of Mr. Mischief in Mansoul, by the hand of Mr. Profane.’

Now all the while that the raging runagates and hellish Diabolonians were thus contriving the ruin of the town of Mansoul, they (namely, the poor town itself) was in a sad and woeful case; partly because they had so grievously offended Shaddai and his Son, and partly because that the enemies thereby got strength within them afresh; and also because, though they had by many petitions made suit to the Prince Emmanuel, and to his Father Shaddai by him, for their pardon and favour, yet hitherto obtained they not one smile; but contrariwise, through the craft and subtilty of the domestic Diabolonians, their cloud was made to grow blacker and blacker, and their Emmanuel to stand at further distance.

The sickness also did still greatly rage in Mansoul, both among the captains and the inhabitants of the town; and their enemies only were now lively and strong, and likely to become the head, whilst Mansoul was made the tail.

By this time the letter last mentioned, that was written by the Diabolonians that yet lurked in the town of Mansoul, was conveyed to Diabolus in the black den, by the hand of Mr. Profane.  He carried the letter by Hell-Gate Hill as afore, and conveyed it by Cerberus to his lord.

But when Cerberus and Mr. Profane did meet, they were presently as great as beggars, and thus they fell into discourse about Mansoul, and about the project against her.

‘Ah! old friend,’ quoth Cerberus, ‘art thou come to Hell-Gate Hill again?  By St. Mary, I am glad to see thee!’

Prof.  Yes, my lord, I am come again about the concerns of the town of Mansoul.

Cerb.  Prithee, tell me what condition is that town of Mansoul in at present?

Prof.  In a brave condition, my lord, for us, and for my lords, the lords of this place, I trow for they are greatly decayed as to godliness, and that is as well as our heart can wish; their Lord is greatly out with them, and that doth also please us well.  We have already also a foot in their dish, for our Diabolonian friends are laid in their bosoms, and what do we lack but to be masters of the place!  Besides, our trusty friends in Mansoul are daily plotting to betray it to the lords of this town; also the sickness rages bitterly among them; and that which makes up all, we hope at last to prevail.’

Then said the dog of Hell-Gate, ‘No time like this to assault them.  I wish that the enterprise be followed close, and that the success desired may be soon effected: yea, I wish it for the poor Diabolonians’ sakes, that live in the continual fear of their lives in that traitorous town of Mansoul.’

Prof.  The contrivance is almost finished, the lords in Mansoul that are Diabolonians are at it day and night, and the other are like silly doves; they want heart to be concerned with their state and to consider that ruin is at hand.  Besides you may, yea, must think, when you put all things together, that there are many reasons that prevail with Diabolus to make what haste he can.

Cerb.  Thou hast said as it is; I am glad things are at this pass.  Go in, my brave Profane, to my lords, they will give thee for thy welcome as good a coranto as the whole of this kingdom will afford.  I have sent thy letter in already.

Then Mr. Profane went into the den, and his lord Diabolus met him, and saluted him with, ‘Welcome, my trusty servant: I have been made glad with thy letter.’  The rest of the lords of the pit gave him also their salutations.  Then Profane, after obeisance made to them all, said, ‘Let Mansoul be given to my lord Diabolus, and let him be her king for ever.’  And with that, the hollow belly and yawning gorge of hell gave so loud and hideous a groan, (for that is the music of that place,) that it made the mountains about it totter, as if they would fall in pieces.

Now, after they had read and considered the letter, they consulted what answer to return; and the first that did speak to it was Lucifer.

Then said he, ‘The first project of the Diabolonians in Mansoul is likely to be lucky, and to take; namely, that they will, by all the ways and means they can, make Mansoul yet more vile and filthy: no way to destroy a soul like this.  Our old friend Balaam went this way and prospered many years ago; let this therefore stand with us for a maxim, and be to Diabolonians for a general rule in all ages; for nothing can make this to fail but grace, in which I would hope that this town has no share.  But whether to fall upon them on a market-day, because of their cumber in business, that I would should be under debate.  And there is more reason why this head should be debated, than why some other should; because upon this will turn the whole of what we shall attempt.  If we time not our business well, our whole project may fail.  Our friends, the Diabolonians, say that a market-day is best; for then will Mansoul be most busy, and have fewest thoughts of a surprise.  But what if also they should double their guards on those days? (and methinks nature and reason should teach them to do it;) and what if they should keep such a watch on those days as the necessity of their present case doth require? yea, what if their men should be always in arms on those days? then you may, my lords, be disappointed in your attempts, and may bring our friends in the town to utter danger of unavoidable ruin.’