1838

1838.

THE MINISTRY OF SICKNESS—PEACE OF MIND—JESUS A PRESENT HELP—DEEP POVERTY—PLEADING WITH GOD—UNITED PRAYER.

January 6, 1838. I feel little better in my head, though my general health seems improved; but my kind physician says I am much better, and advises me now change of air. This evening a sister, who resides about fifty miles from hence, and who is quite unacquainted with the medical advice given to me this morning, sent me fifteen pounds for the express purpose of change of air; and wrote that she felt assured, from having been similarly afflicted, that nothing would do me so much good, humanly speaking, as quiet and change of air.

January 7. This is the ninth Lord’s day that I have been kept from ministering in the word. My affliction is connected with a great tendency to irritability of temper; yea, with some satanic feeling, foreign to me even naturally.

January 10. To-day I went with my family to Trowbridge. Jan. 14. Lord’s day. I have spent several hours in prayer to-day, and read on my knees, and prayed for two hours over Psalm lxiii. God has blessed my soul much to-day. My soul is now brought into that state that I delight myself in the will of God, as it regards my health. Yea, I can now say, from my heart, I would not have this disease removed till God, by its means, has bestowed the blessing for which it was sent.

January 15. I have had, since yesterday afternoon, less suffering in my head than for the last eight days; though it is even now far from being well. I have still an inward assurance, on account of the spiritual blessings which the Lord has granted to me, that through this affliction he is only purifying me for his blessed service, and that I shall be soon restored to the work. To-day, also, God has continued to me fervency of spirit, which I have now enjoyed for three days following. He has to-day, also, drawn out my soul into much real communion with himself, and into holy desires to be more conformed to his dear Son. When God gives a spirit of prayer, how easy then to pray! Nevertheless, it was given to me in the use of the means, as I fell on my knees last Saturday, to read his word with meditation, and to turn it into prayer. To-day I spent about three hours in prayer over Psalms lxiv. and lxv. In reference to that precious word, “O thou that hearest prayer,” (Ps. lxv. 2,) I asked the Lord the following petitions, and entreated him to record them in heaven, and to answer them.

1. That he would give me grace to glorify him by a submissive and patient spirit under my affliction.

2. That as I was enabled now, and only now from my heart, to praise God for this affliction, he would not remove his hand from me until he had qualified me for his work more than I have been hitherto.

3. That he would be pleased to grant that the work of conversion, through the instrumentality of brother Craik and myself, might not cease, but go on as much now as when we first came to Bristol, yea, more abundantly than even then.

4. That he would be pleased to give more real spiritual prosperity to the church under our care than ever we have as yet enjoyed.

5. Having praised him for the sale of so many copies of my Narrative in so short a time, I entreated him to cause every copy to be disposed of.

6. I asked him to continue to let his rich blessing rest upon this little work, and more abundantly, so that many may be converted through it, and many of the children of God truly benefited by it, and that thus I might now be speaking through it, though laid aside from active service.

7. I asked him for his blessing, in the way of conversion, to rest upon the orphans, and upon the Sunday and day-school children under our care.

8. I asked him for means to carry on these Institutions, and to enlarge them.

These are some of the petitions which I have asked of my God this evening, in connection with this his own word. I believe he has heard me. I believe he will make it manifest in his own good time that he has heard me, and I have recorded these my petitions, this 15th day of January, 1838, that when God has answered them he may get, through this, glory to his name. [Whilst writing this second part, I add to the praise of the Lord, and for the encouragement of the children of God, that petitions 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8, have been fully answered, and the other petitions, likewise, in part.]

January 16. Tuesday. A blessed day. How very good is the Lord! Fervency of spirit, through his grace, is continued to me; though this morning, but for the help of God, I should have lost it again. The weather has been very cold for several days; but to-day I suffered much, either because it was colder than before, or because I felt it more, owing to the weakness of my body, and having taken so much medicine. I arose from my knees and stirred the fire, but I still remained very cold. I was a little irritated by this. I moved to another part of the room, but felt the cold still more. At last, having prayed for some time, I was obliged to rise up and take a walk to promote circulation. I now entreated the Lord on my walk that this circumstance might not be permitted to rob me of the precious communion which I have had with him the last three days; for this was the object at which Satan aimed. I confessed also my sin of irritability on account of the cold, and sought to have my conscience cleansed through the blood of Jesus. He had mercy upon me, my peace was restored, and when I returned I sought the Lord again in prayer, and had uninterrupted communion with him.

His health remaining feeble, Mr. M. left England on April 6, for Germany, and returned to Bristol May 7. He continues his narrative:—

May 8. This evening I went to the prayer meeting at Gideon. I read Psalm ciii., and was able to thank the Lord publicly for my late affliction. This is the first time that I have taken any part in the public meetings of the brethren since November 6, 1837.

July 12. The funds, which were this day twelvemonth about seven hundred and eighty pounds, are now reduced to about twenty pounds; but, thanks be to the Lord, my faith is as strong, or stronger, than it was when we had the larger sum in hand; nor has he at any time, from the commencement of the work, allowed me to distrust him. Nevertheless, as our Lord will be inquired of, and as real faith is manifested as such by leading to prayer, I gave myself to prayer with brother T——, of the Boys’ Orphan House, who had called on me, and who, besides my wife and brother Craik, is the only individual to whom I speak about the state of the funds. While we were praying, an orphan child from Frome was brought, and some believers at Frome, having collected among them five pounds, sent this money with the child. Thus we received the first answer at a time of need. We have given notice for seven children to come in, and purpose to give notice for five more, though our funds are so low, hoping that God will look on our necessities.

July 17 and 18. These two days we have had two especial prayer meetings, from six to nine in the evening, to commend publicly to the Lord the Boys’ Orphan House. Our funds are how very low. There are about twenty pounds in hand, and in a few days thirty pounds, at least, will be needed; but I purposely avoided saying anything about our present necessities, and spoke only to the praise of God, about the abundance with which our gracious Father, “the Father of the fatherless,” has hitherto supplied us. This was done in order that the hand of God, in sending help, may be so much the more clearly seen.

July 22. This evening I was walking in our little garden, meditating on Heb. xiii. 8, “Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to-day, and forever.” Whilst meditating on his unchangeable love, power, wisdom, etc., and turning all, as I went on, into prayer respecting myself; and whilst applying likewise his unchangeable love, and power, and wisdom, etc., both to my present spiritual and temporal circumstances,—all at once the present need of the Orphan Houses was brought to my mind. Immediately I was led to say to myself, Jesus in his love and power has hitherto supplied me with what I have needed for the orphans, and in the same unchangeable love and power he will provide me with what I may need for the future. A flow of joy came into my soul whilst realizing thus the unchangeableness of our adorable Lord. About one minute after, a letter was brought me, enclosing a bill for twenty pounds.

August 18. I have not one penny in hand for the orphans. In a day or two again many pounds will be needed. My eyes are up to the Lord. Evening. Before this day is over, I have received from a sister five pounds. She had some time since put away her trinkets, to be sold for the benefit of the orphans. This morning, whilst in prayer, it came to her mind, “I have this five pounds, and owe no man anything, therefore it would be better to give this money at once, as it may be some time before I can dispose of the trinkets.” She therefore brought it, little knowing that there was not a penny in hand.

August 29. To-day sixteen believers were baptized. Among those who were baptized was an aged brother of above eighty-four years, and one above seventy. For the latter, his believing wife had prayed thirty-eight years, and at last the Lord answered her prayers in his conversion.

August 31. I have been waiting on the Lord for means, as the matron’s books from the Girls’ Orphan House have been brought, and there is no money in hand to advance for housekeeping. But, as yet, the Lord has not been pleased to send help. As the matron called to-day for money, one of the laborers gave two pounds of his own, for the present necessities.

September 1. The Lord in his wisdom and love has not yet sent help. Whence it is to come, need not be my care. But I believe God will, in due time, send help. His hour is not yet come. As there was money needed in the Boys’ Orphan House also, the same brother just alluded to gave two pounds for that also. Thus we were delivered at this time likewise. But now his means are gone. This is the most trying hour that as yet I have had in the work, as it regards means; but I know that I shall yet praise the Lord for his help.

September 5. Our hour of trial continues still. The Lord mercifully has given enough to supply our daily necessities; but he gives by the day now, and almost by the hour, as we need it. Nothing came in yesterday. I have besought the Lord again and again, both yesterday and to-day. It is as if the Lord said: “Mine hour is not yet come.” But I have faith in God. I believe that he surely will send help, though I know not whence it is to come. Many pounds are needed within a few days, and there is not a penny in hand. This morning two pounds was given for the present necessities, by one of the laborers in the work. Evening. This very day the Lord sent again some help to encourage me to continue to wait on him, and to trust in him. As I was praying this afternoon respecting the matter, I felt fully assured that the Lord would send help, and praised him beforehand for his help, and asked him to encourage our hearts through it. I have been also led, yesterday and to-day, to ask the Lord especially that he would not allow my faith to fail. A few minutes after I had prayed, brother T—— came and brought four pounds one shilling and fivepence, which had come in in several small donations. He told me, at the same time, that to-morrow the books will be brought from the Infant Orphan House, when money must be advanced for housekeeping. I thought for a moment it might be well to keep three pounds of this money for that purpose. But it occurred to me immediately, “Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” The Lord can provide by to-morrow much more than I need; and I therefore sent three pounds to one of the sisters whose quarterly salary was due, and the remaining one pound one shilling and fivepence to the Boys’ Orphan House for housekeeping. Thus I am still penniless. My hope is in God; he will provide.