1838 (2)

September 6. This morning the books were brought from the Infant Orphan House, and the matron sent to ask when she should fetch them, implying when they would have been looked over, and when money would be advanced for housekeeping. I said, “to-morrow,” though I had not a single penny in hand. About an hour after, brother T—— sent me a note, to say that he had received one pound this morning, and that last evening a brother had sent twenty-nine pounds of salt, forty-four dozen of onions, and twenty-six pounds of groats.[16]

September 7. The time had come that I had to send money to the Infant Orphan House, but the Lord had not sent any more. I gave, therefore, the pound which had come in yesterday, and two shillings and twopence which had been put into the box in my house, trusting to the good Lord to send in more.

September 8. It has not pleased my gracious Lord to send me help as yet. Yesterday and to-day I have been pleading with God eleven arguments why he would be graciously pleased to send help. The arguments which I plead with God are:—

1. That I set about the work for the glory of God, i. e. that there might be a visible proof, by God supplying, in answer to prayer only, the necessities of the orphans, that he is the living God, and most willing, even in our day, to answer prayer; and that, therefore, he would be pleased to send supplies.

2. That God is the “Father of the fatherless,” and that he, therefore, as their father, would be pleased to provide. Psalm lxviii. 5.

3. That I have received the children in the name of Jesus, and that therefore he, in these children, has been received, and is fed, and is clothed; and that therefore he would be pleased to consider this. Mark ix. 36, 37.

4. That the faith of many of the children of God has been strengthened by this work hitherto, and that, if God were to withhold the means for the future, those who are weak in faith would be staggered; whilst, by a continuance of means, their faith might still further be strengthened.

5. That many enemies would laugh, were the Lord to withhold supplies, and say, Did we not foretell that this enthusiasm would come to nothing?

6. That many of the children of God, who are uninstructed, or in a carnal state, would feel themselves justified to continue their alliance with the world in the work of God, and to go on as heretofore in their unscriptural proceedings respecting similar institutions, so far as the obtaining of means is concerned, if he were not to help me.

7. That the Lord would remember that I am his child, and that he would graciously pity me, and remember that I cannot provide for these children, and that therefore he would not allow this burden to lie upon me long without sending help.

8. That he would remember likewise my fellow-laborers in the work, who trust in him, but who would be tried were he to withhold supplies.

9. That he would remember that I should have to dismiss the children from under our scriptural instruction to their former companions.

10. That he would show that those were mistaken who said, that, at the first, supplies might be expected, while the thing was new, but not afterwards.

11. That I should not know, were he to withhold means, what construction I should put upon all the many most remarkable answers to prayer which he had given me heretofore in connection with this work, and which most fully have shown to me that it is of God.

In some small measure I now understand, experimentally, the meaning of that word, “how long,” which so frequently occurs in the prayers of the Psalms. But even now, by the grace of God, my eyes are up unto him only, and I believe that he will send help.

Sept. 10. Monday morning. Neither Saturday nor yesterday had any money come in. It appeared to me now needful to take some steps on account of our need, i. e. to go to the Orphan Houses, call the brethren and sisters together (who, except brother T——, had never been informed about the state of the funds), state the case to them, see how much money was needed for the present, tell them that amidst all this trial of faith I still believed that God would help, and to pray with them. Especially, also, I meant to go for the sake of telling them that no more articles must be purchased than we have the means to pay for, but to let there be nothing lacking in any way to the children, as it regards nourishing food and needful clothing; for I would rather at once send them away than that they should lack. I meant to go for the sake also of seeing whether there were still articles remaining which had been sent for the purpose of being sold, or whether there were any articles really needless, that we might turn them into money. I felt that the matter was now come to a solemn crisis. About half-past nine sixpence came in, which had been put anonymously into the box at Gideon Chapel. This money seemed to me like an earnest that God would have compassion and send more. About ten, after I had returned from brother Craik, to whom I had unbosomed my heart again, whilst once more in prayer for help, a sister called who gave two sovereigns to my wife for the orphans, stating that she had felt herself stirred up to come, and that she had delayed coming already too long. A few minutes after, when I went into the room where she was, she gave me two sovereigns more, and all this without knowing the least about our need. Thus the Lord most mercifully has sent us a little help, to the great encouragement of my faith. A few minutes after I was called on for money from the Infant Orphan House, to which I sent two pounds, and one pound sixpence to the Boys’ Orphan House, and one pound to the Girls’ Orphan House.

To-day I saw a young brother who, as well as one of his sisters, has been brought to the knowledge of the Lord through my Narrative.

Sept. 11. The good Lord, in his wisdom, still sees it needful to keep us very low. But this afternoon brother T—— called, and told me that one of our fellow-laborers had sold his metal watch, and two gold pins, for one pound one shilling, that nine shillings sixpence had come in, and that two of our fellow-laborers had sent two lots of books of their own, nineteen and twenty-one in number, to be sold for the orphans.

Sept. 12. Still the trial continues. Only nine shillings came in to-day, given by one of the laborers. In the midst of this great trial of faith the Lord still mercifully keeps me in great peace. He also allows me to see that our labor is not in vain; for yesterday died Leah Culliford, one of the orphans, about nine years old, truly converted, and brought to the faith some months before her departure.

Sept. 13. No help has come yet. This morning I found it was absolutely needful to tell the brethren and sisters about the state of the funds, and to give necessary directions as to going into debt, etc. We prayed together, and had a very happy meeting. They all seemed comfortable. Twelve shillings sixpence was taken out of the boxes in the three houses, twelve shillings one of the laborers gave, and one pound one shilling had come in for needlework done by the children. One of the sisters, who is engaged in the work, sent a message after me, not to trouble myself about her salary, for she should not want any for a twelvemonth.

Sept. 14. I met again this morning with the brethren and sisters for prayer, as the Lord has not yet sent help. After prayer one of the laborers gave me all the money he had, sixteen shillings, saying that it would not be upright to pray, if he were not to give what he had. One of the sisters told me that in six days she would give six pounds, which she had in the savings bank for such a time of need. Up to this day, the matrons of the three houses had been in the habit of paying the bakers and the milk-man weekly, because they had preferred to receive the payments in this way, and sometimes it had thus been also with the butcher and grocer. But now, as the Lord deals out to us by the day, we consider it would be wrong to go on any longer in this way, as the week’s payment might become due, and we have no money to meet it; and thus those with whom we deal might be inconvenienced by us, and we be found acting against the commandment of the Lord, “Owe no man anything.” Rom. xiii. 8. From this day, and henceforward, whilst the Lord gives to us our supplies by the day, we purpose, therefore, to pay at once for every article as it is purchased, and never to buy any thing except we can pay for it at once, however much it may seem to be needed, and however much those with whom we deal may wish to be paid only by the week. The little which was owed was paid off this day.

Sept. 15. Saturday. We met again this morning for prayer. God comforts our hearts. We are looking for help. I found that there were provisions enough for to-day and to-morrow, but there was no money in hand to take in bread as usual, in order that the children might not have newly baked bread. This afternoon one of the laborers, who had been absent for several days from Bristol, returned, and gave one pound. This evening we met again for prayer, when I found that ten shillings sixpence more had come in since the morning. With this one pound ten shillings sixpence we were able to buy, even this Saturday evening, the usual quantity of bread (as it might be difficult to get stale bread on Monday morning), and have some money left. God be praised, who gave us grace to come to the decision not to take any bread to-day, as usual, nor to buy anything for which we cannot pay at once. We were very comfortable, thankfully taking this money out of our Father’s hands, as a proof that he still cares for us, and that, in his own time, he will send us larger sums.

FOOTNOTES:

[16] Groats. Oats or other grain, with the hulls removed.—Ed.